


The Heart Remembers

by ChelleLeigh1917



Category: The White Queen (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-06-26
Packaged: 2018-02-06 06:52:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1848550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChelleLeigh1917/pseuds/ChelleLeigh1917
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spring 1477, Anne is still mourning Isabel’s death, and during an afternoon ride is thrown from her horse. When she wakes up, Anne believes it is still 1469, and her father is still alive. She remembers nothing of the last 8 years; including marrying Richard or having their son Ned. It’s the story of Anne falling in love with Richard for the first time, and Richard falling in love all over again with the “new” Anne.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Heart Remembers

**Author's Note:**

> Things in italics: 
> 
> Character thoughts  
> Anne's dreams  
> Richard's French term of endearment

The coming of spring had done little to lift Anne’s melancholia. She still could not believe her sister was dead. Her Isabel, gone at such a young age. It hurt, and perhaps it hurt more because she’d been denied her sister for the last five years. George in his anger at Richard had kept Isabel away. 

The relations between Richard and George had just started to return to normal, perhaps that had been the one good thing to come from the ill fated French campaign. She and Isabel had resumed writing to one another. Anne had rejoiced for Isabel’s pregnancy, and had hopes that perhaps they would be brought to childbed at nearly the same time. However, that was not to be, as Anne had miscarried her child. It had been the second miscarriage she’d suffered since marrying Richard nearly five years ago. 

It had always amazed Anne that Richard had never been angry over her failures to bear another child. No, after each disappointment, he would sit with her, hold her, care for her. He was always so tender with her in the aftermath of a miscarriage. Of course he was always tender with her. 

She did not think she could ever forget the way he’d held her after informing her of Isabel’s death, how he’d travelled to Tewkesbury with her so she could see Isabel one final time. If there was one place in England neither she nor Richard had ever wanted to see again, it was Tewkesbury. 

Anne was a little surprised that Richard did not realize the depth of her melancholia. She’d never truly been able to hide anything from him. But this it seemed she had. She went easily through the motions of each day. She played with their beloved little Ned, dressed him in the mornings, tucked him in at night. She went through the duties of the Duchess of Gloucester. During the night, she shared her bed with her husband, submitting to his caresses on most nights. 

There were two times when the melancholia did not threaten to overwhelm her; those nights when she was in Richard’s arms, and when she was riding. She’d taken to spending Ned’s afternoon nap time riding over the Dales. During those times, she did not think, she did not feel she just rode. As far as her horse would carry her. 

The afternoon when it happened, the nursery staff noticed she’d not returned as she usually did when Ned woke from his nap. A quick search of the castle, showed she had not returned yet. The moment her horse returned, riderless, everyone knew there was something drastically wrong. Two search parties went out to search for her, one lead by Richard, the other by their close friend, Francis Lovell. In the end it was Francis who found Anne unconscious on the ground, and brought her back to Middleham. 

 

Richard picked up Anne's hand, and held it against his cheek for a moment. Nearly fifteen hours had passed since she'd fallen, but in that time she'd not stirred at all, had not even moved an eyelash. he'd been crying so much, could not even begin to explain the anguish he felt. He could not imagine losing her, did not want to imagine losing her. He picked up her hand and kissed it. 

He was sitting in a chair, near the bed when he heard her groan very softly. Richard was immediately on his feet, and he moved swiftly to the bed. "Anne...." He said softly. 

Anne groaned. Her head hurt so much. Not to mention what was Richard doing in her bedchamber. She slowly opened her eyes, and found Richard looking down at her. His concern was so evident on his face. And when had he grown his hair out so long? "What are...." She managed to stay. 

"Thank God, you're awake, sweetheart." He said softly. 

Sweetheart? Richard had called her sweetheart? What was going on here? "My head...."

"You fell from your horse, hit your head, scared me so much when I learned of it." He said softly. 

"And Father...." She murmured. 

"What?" Richard asked, the shock evident in his voice. 

"Father must be worried." Anne replied. She did not catch the expression on Richard's face as she said those words. 

Richard was quiet for a moment, his mind reeling. Finally, he spoke. "Anne, what is the last thing you remember?"

She looked up at him, quiet. How could she tell him how upset her father has been over the King's marriage? Richard was so loyal to his brother. 

"Whatever it is, you can tell me, sweetheart." He coaxed gently. 

Again, he was calling her sweetheart, and the way he said it, well it was like he called her that all the time. "Father has been very angry over the King's marriage." She said softly. 

Richard was quiet again. Anne seemed to think her father still lived. Finally he asked, "How old are you, Anne?" 

Anne looked up at him. What a funny question. "Thirteen, of course." 

Richard stared at her for a long moment. Had she lost her memories? There was no other explanation. 

"What is it, Richard?" Anne asked. 

He took a deep breath. "What year is it?"

Anne frowned. What a peculiar question. "1469." She answered. 

He took a deep breath. So many things she seemed to have forgotten. 

"Richard?" Anne said softly. 

"There's so much to tell you." He said softly. 

"What?" She asked. 

He thought for a moment. "Anne, it's not 1469, and you're not 13 anymore..." He said the words so gently. 

"Then what..." She managed. 

"You're 20, and it's 1477." He said very softly. 

Anne stared at him in shock, she was twenty, it was 1477. She did not understand. How could she have forgotten eight years of her life? What had happened in those years? Where was her father? Her mother? Looking around the chamber, she was almost certain she was at Middleham. But surely her father would still have Middleham. Not Richard, and why was Richard in her bedchamber? She lifted her left hand out, and held it out. Upon her hand, she could see a slender gold wedding band. Of course she was married if she were 20. Could it be Richard she was married to?

As she turned towards him, Richard could see the questions in her eyes. "You are wondering if I am your husband?" 

"Yes." She nodded. 

"I am." He smiled softly. 

“You are my husband?” She murmured, feeling completely shocked. Then her father had worked everything out with the King, and he had approved of Richard marrying her? 

“Yes, I am.” He said softly, taking her hand in his. 

Anne glanced down at their hands, which were joined on top of her fur covers. Richard’s hand in hers felt familiar somehow. “How long have we been married?” She asked. 

“Nearly five years.” He replied. 

Again Anne looked down at their joined hands. Five years of marriage, part of eight years she’d clearly forgotten. She sighed softly, closing her eyes against the pain in her head

“Anne?” Richard asked softly, worriedly. 

“My head hurts.” She murmured, keeping her eyes closed. 

“I will get the physicians, _ma petite_ , they will wish to examine you.” Richard said as he stood. 

Anne stiffed for a moment when Richard kissed her forehead. She could not understand it, she knew she had nothing to fear from Richard. Nothing at all. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The physicians had given Anne a pain draught for her headache, and when she awakened the next day; the midday sun was streaming through the windows. As she opened her eyes, at first she was confused, for this was certainly not the chamber she shared with her sister. 

She then remembered her conversation with Richard, and realized that had not been a dream. She was no longer a 13 year old girl, but a 20 year old woman. Richard’s wife. Strange how what had probably been the dearest dream of her childhood had actually turned into reality. She looked around the chamber, and discovered she was alone. Strange, she would have thought she would have ladies with her. She would not have imagined Richard would have been able to sit by her bedside. 

She sat up, relieved that her head was not hurting now. She had to admit she was curious, very curious about the changes the years would have brought to her. Richard had changed, he was no longer the boy she remember, and it was not just his hair that had changed. There was a hardess, a self-assurance about him that had not completely been evident when they were younger. She pushed the furs back, and sat up on the side of the bed, she looked for her slippers; surely they were near the bed. But as she looked, she simply could not find them, shrugging she decided to get up anyway. Anne felt just a little dizzy as she got up, but she shook that away thinking it was because she’d been in bed for several days. After all she’d never felt dizzy in her life. 

She’d barely gotten up from the bed when the door opened, and Richard walked in. “Anne, what are you doing?” He immediately asked, moving quickly over to her. 

Anne blushed, for she’d not been able to find her robe either, and Richard was seeing her in her nightgown. _He’s your husband, he’s likely seen you wearing less._ Anne was not entirely certain where that thought came from, but it caused her to blush even more. “I….” She stammered, uncertain of what to even say. 

“What is it?” Richard asked softly, realizing he must have startled her. 

Anne looked up at him. “You’ve changed from what I remember, and I imagine   
I’ve probably changed too.”

Richard instantly understood. “You want to see those changes?”

“Yes.” She nodded. 

“Allow me to help you to the mirror?” Richard asked softly. 

After a moment, Anne nodded. Richard slipped his arm around her waist, and for a moment Anne could not help but marvel at the ease of his touch. _But to him you’ve been his wife for five years, of course he touches you._

Richard helped her to sit in front of the vanity. Then he picked up the mirror and reached it to her. 

Anne took the handheld mirror into her hand, then she looked at her reflection. She could still she the echo of the thirteen year old girl, she had been. But there had been changes too, her face was a little fuller, the bones no longer as finely pronounced. She was certain there were curves to her body she did not remember from before. She looked up at Richard suddenly. 

“What?” Richard asked as he noticed Anne’s look. 

“Do we have children?” Anne asked softly. 

“Yes, we do.” Richard said softly. 

“How many?” Anne asked curiously. She knew they would at the most be four years old. 

“We have a son.” Richard said softly

“A son?” Anne said softly. They had only one child. 

Richard smiled softly. “Yes, his name is Edward, we call him Ned.” 

Anne smiled. “Only one child?” She asked very softly. Surely she’d not inherited her mother’s childbearing problems. She was startled when Richard knelt in front of her.

Richard took both of her hands into his, relieved when she did not try to pull away. He had to continually remind himself that she did not remember. She did not remember him as her husband. He wondered if he should tell her of the miscarriages, in truth they were one of many difficult things she would need to learn if her memory did not return. “Several years ago, I told you that as long as I had you and my own honor, I did not care how many children we have, _ma petite_.” 

“You did?” Anne asked softly. 

Richard could hear the hint of disbelief in her voice. Of course she would think he wanted many children, and in all honestly he would not have minded filling Middleham with their children, but he would not have Anne fretting and worrying over their lack of children. He would not have that for a moment. “Yes.”

Anne studied his face for a moment. Richard was possibly one of the most sincere people she’d ever know, that much she did remember from their childhood. She nodded to let him know that she understood what he’d said. “Richard, there’s so much that I do not remember.”

“You want me to tell you everything, don’t you?” Richard murmured. 

“Yes.” She nodded. “I do.”

He took a deep breath. “Anne, it’s only been a day. Your memory, it may certainly return.” 

She smiled a bit and nodded. “Yes, it might, that much is true. But what is also true is that it might not. I want to know, I need to know Richard.” She said softly. 

“Much of it will be painful for you.” Richard told her. He wasn’t certain she was ready to hear these things, but he did not know when he would feel she was ready. 

She nodded. “None of that is surprising to me.” 

“You’ve always faced everything head on.” He murmured. 

“Then why does it surprise you that I want to know?” Anne asked. 

“Because I want to protect you.” He murmured. 

She laughed very softly. Somehow, she could just imagine that. “Why do I feel like we might argue about that?”

Richard looked up at her. “Because we do.” He said simply. After a moment, he stood. “I’ll take you back to bed.” 

Anne almost wanted to say that she felt fine, but as she stood the dizziness returned, and she clutched Richard’s arm. 

“You’re dizzy.” He noted, it was certainly not a question. 

“It’s a strange feeling considering I’ve never felt this way before in my life.” Anne remarked. 

As they reached the bed, Richard pulled back the fur covers for Anne to sit. “Yes you have.” He said softly, once she was settled against the pillows. 

“When?” Anne asked softly. 

“When you’ve been with child.” Richard replied just as softly. 

Anne blinked. “There’s been more than one pregnancy?” She asked. 

Richard was quiet for just a moment. He’d not meant to tell her. “Yes.” He murmured. 

“How many?” She asked softly. 

“Besides Ned, there have been two miscarriages.” He turned to look at her. 

Anne caught her breath “Richard…” 

“Shhhh, remember what I told you a moment ago.” He stroked her hair back for a moment. 

Anne nodded, laying her head back against the pillows. 

“Does your head hurt?” Richard asked. 

“No.” She shook her head. “I want you to tell me everything.” 

Richard looked at her for a moment, asking himself whether he should tell her or not. The physicians had told him they did not know if Anne would regain her memories or not. From what they’d said, Richard had understood they thought it unlikely she would regain them. Of course, they were only physicians, and they did not know everything. They could not know God’s will. But then again neither could he. 

He reached out, taking a small bit of her hair and curling it around his hand for a moment. “You are certain, Anne?”

“Yes.” She nodded. 

Of course she would want to know, he thought. Anne had always been strong enough to take anything life sent her way. But he worried about telling her everything all at once. How would she handle learning everything all at once. “Very well.” He murmured. 

Anne looked at him expectantly, she knew from his reluctance most of what he had to tell her would not be easy for her to hear. 

“When you awakened, you imagined your father must have obtained the King’s approval for us to marry, but that is not the way it happened, Anne.” He reached for her hand. They’d always held hands at least when having a serious conversation such as this. He wanted to be able to just take her into his arms and hold her while telling her all of these hurtful things, but Richard had no idea how Anne would react to that. 

Anne smiled a little. “Did you defy the King and marry me then?” Although part of her could not possibly see Richard doing that, another part of her certainly found it romantic. 

“To my eternal regret, no.” Richard replied. He took a deep breath. “Your father rebelled against the King, Anne. He tried first to place George on the throne.” 

“Father wanted George and Isabel to marry too.” Anne said softly, realizing she did not know if George and her sister had married or not. 

“And they did.” Richard said softly. “But your father used the marriage as a signal for the first rebellion to begin. That rebellion did not last long, Edward forgave them; brought all of you back to court.” 

Anne looked down at their joined hands. “Did we talk after I returned to court?”

Richard shook his head. “Not much.” He said softly. 

After a moment, Anne nodded. “You said that rebellion did not last long, so there was another one?” She asked. 

“Your father and George rebelled again, when it failed, they took you, your sister, and mother into exile in France.” Richard said softly. 

Anne watched, realizing he did not seem to be able to stay still at the moment. “This part is hard for you to talk about?” She guessed softly. _How do I instinctively know all of these things about him?_

Richard looked at her gratefully, glad she did understand. “Yes, it can be.” He nodded. 

“Why?” Anne asked softly. 

Richard took a deep breath. “Because, while you were in France, I realized I love you.” 

“You love me, Richard?” Anne asked. She tried to act nonchalant as she asked, but but giddy teenager she currently thought herself to be was very apparent in her voice. 

Richard could not help but grin at the tone of her voice. So much like the girl he’d known before France, and everything that had happened there. “Anne…” How did he even begin to explain everything he felt for her? “If there is one thing you must know it is how deeply you are loved. You mean everything to me. The words, I love you do not even begin to describe how I feel about you.” 

“Richard….” Anne murmured, feeling almost overcome. 

Richard gently placed his fingers over her lips. “You are my wife, my lover, the mother of our child.” He gently kissed her forehead “So yes, I love you.”

“Richard.” Anne murmured, wondering why she felt so much like crying. No, she was not going to cry, not at all. She sighed very softly, feeling his hand gently cup her cheek. Lover, he’d called her his lover. She remembered how she and Isabel had been curious about the marriage bed, and all that happened within. She found herself looking up at Richard. “Lover?” She said softly. 

Richard looked at her for a moment. He was surprised Anne wasn’t shrinking away from the idea of them being lovers. After all, in her memory, she was an innocent thirteen year old girl. “Yes.” He said softly. “We certainly are lovers, _ma petite_.” _How was Anne going to react to that knowledge?_

Anne knew she had to be blushing. She knew she shouldn’t be, after all she was a married woman, a mother. But then again she didn’t remember any of that. The thirteen year old girl she remembered being; she had dreamed of kissing Richard, of Richard holding her in his arms. Now all of that had happened, and she did not remember a moment of it. She could not help but feel frustrated by it. “How often do we share the bedchamber?” Anne found herself asking softly. 

“Nightly.” Richard looked into her eyes to see her reaction to that. He wanted to tell her how much loved it when she blushed, how much it had delighted him that even after almost five years of marriage, he was still able to make her blush. 

“Nightly…” _How is that possible, a woman is not supposed to invite her husband to her chambers if it is her time._ She looked over as Richard moved to sit next to her on the bed. 

“Sharing a bed does not always mean you indulge in the pleasures of the marriage bed, it also can mean you stay awake talking late into the night, sometimes you just sleep, and yes other times you do indulge in the pleasures of the marriage bed, _ma petite_.” He slowly slipped his arm around Anne’s shoulders.

Anne sighed softly, she wasn’t completely certainly why, but she moved so she could rest her head against Richard’s shoulder. To her it felt comfortable and right. Soon, she felt him kiss the top of her head. “Richard…” She murmured. 

“Yes, sweetheart?” He asked. He’d been more than a little surprised when she rested her head on his shoulder. This was how she’d always liked to sleep. She always turned so she was snuggled against him, and this time was no different than normal. 

“You’ll tell me everything?” She asked softly. 

“Everything.” He promised softly. 

As Anne closed her eyes, Richard stroked her hair back. He would stay with her until she’d fallen asleep. Only a few days had passed, yet he certainly missed her being next to him. Perhaps the next time she awakened her memories would have returned. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

The day was almost over before Richard had the chance to go to see Anne. He’d promised he would tell her everything, but of course he’d hoped she would awaken with her memories. However, it seemed that was not meant to be, at least not on this day. 

When he walked into the chamber, Richard found one of Anne’s ladies reading quietly to her. After a moment, he quietly dismissed the lady. Once the door shut behind her, he sat down on the bed with Anne. 

Anne smiled softly, as he sat next to her. Truthfully, she’d missed him, and although she would not tell him; she’d started to wonder when he would come. 

“How are you feeling, _ma petite_?” Richard asked softly. 

“Ready to continue.” Anne laughed softly 

Richard laughed softly. Somehow, he was not surprised by that answer. Anne had always been headstrong. “Where exactly were we?” He thought aloud. 

“My father had taken us to France.” Anne replied softly. 

Richard was quiet for a moment. “Yes, he did. He tried Calais first, but the King managed to get word to the garrison first.” He said softly, watching as Anne nodded her understanding, then he continued. “Your father ended up in France, and he and King Louis had always been friendly.” Richard tried, but failed to keep the disdain from his voice as he spoke of the French king. 

Anne watched his face as Richard spoke, and from his facial expressions she realized whatever he was about to tell her was difficult for him to talk about. She wondered if perhaps he’d allowed himself to become distracted by her curiosity about the marriage bed to delay telling her what he was about to tell her. 

“Your father made an alliance, one could even say he made the alliance with the devil herself.” He said very softly. 

Anne looked at him, her eyes wide. _No, there’s no way Father would have made an alliance with HER. Not after everything she did to our family._

Richard was quiet for a moment. “Margaret of Anjou.” He said softly. 

“I don’t understand….” Anne moved to sit up more. “How could he have….” She shook her head. 

Richard stroked her hair back. “He is the only one who could answer why.” He said softly. 

Anne looked up. “And he died as a traitor.” She murmured as she started to understand. 

“He died in battle.” Richard said softly, looking into her eyes. 

Anne took a deep breath. Of course, she’d known that her father was dead. She’d known that since Richard had told her that her father had rebelled twice. She couldn’t explain the tears that were in her eyes though. The thirteen year old girl she remembered being had thought her father invincible, and always right, maybe those were the reasons for her tears. 

Richard watched Anne for only a moment, before wrapping his arms around her tightly. He did not stop to think about how she would react to his, if it would frighten her, or if she would push him away. She was his wife, and she was crying. He reached as he always would have. 

Anne was shocked for a moment as Richard wrapped his arms around her. But then she realized exactly how right it felt. This was where she was supposed to be. She tightened her arms around him, letting him comfort her. 

As he rubbed her back, Richard remembered the last time she’d clung to him like this had been after her last miscarriage. She’d been so upset then, it had made the second pregnancy in a row that she’d lost. She’d felt like such a failure, and it had taken time for him to reassure Anne that she was not a failure. 

Anne sighed softly as he kissed her forehead, her eyelids, her cheeks, her chin. She could not help but snuggle closer against him as he kissed her. He was so tender, and she found herself liking it. 

Richard found himself wanting to kiss her, it seemed so long since they’d kissed. He very lightly touched his lips to hers, hoping it would be enough. But of course it was not, and he started to slowly kiss her. 

Anne felt like she’d long imagined what it would be like for Richard to kiss her, and the reality was nothing like her adolescent fantasies. She found she liked Richard kissing her, that she liked it quite a lot. She opened her mouth, but when his tongue slipped inside, she was startled. 

“Anne….” Richard said softly. 

“Don’t you dare apologize.” She said softly. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve dreamt of kissing you?” 

Richard fought to keep from laughing. Of course Anne had long ago told him this. “Since you were twelve, sweetheart.” He said softly. 

She looked up. “I’ve told you?” She asked softly. 

“Yes, you did.” He nodded. 

“Is there anything I’ve not told you?” Anne wondered aloud. 

Richard laughed softly. “You never confessed your curiosity about the marriage bed, ma petite.” 

Anne looked up, wondering just why she had not. 

Richard sighed softly, if there was anything he did not want to tell Anne, it was her marriage to Lancaster. If there was any consolation to the loss of Anne’s memories, it was the loss of the memory of her marriage to Lancaster. There was a certain lightness to her eyes which had been lost in France, and had now returned. Richard could not help but rejoice in its return. 

“Richard?” Anne said softly, when he did not seem to answer her. 

He kissed her forehead. “Forgive me, was lost in thought.” 

She smiled softly. “About what?” 

He took a deep breath. “The things still left to tell you.” 

“Go on, Richard.” She said softly, as he moved to sit next to her. She watched as he fluffed pillows behind both of them. 

Richard took her hand as he turned to look at her. “Anne, your father….”He took a deep breath there really was no easy to say this. “Part of the alliance with Lancaster was your marriage to Edward of Lancaster.” There he’d said it. 

Anne stared at him in disbelief, surely he could not have. Surely, her father would never have married her to that monster. “No.” She shook her head. “That’s not possible.” 

“Anne.” Richard said softly. “I would not lie to you about this at all.” 

“This is something that is….very difficult….” She swallowed. She just could not understand this at all. 

Richard slipped his arm around her shoulders. “I know it is.” He said softly. “You cannot imagine your father…” He shook his head. “In truth, I felt the same when I learned of his plans.” 

“When you learned of his plans?” Anne asked. “So then it did not happen? I was not married to Lancaster.” _Of course, that’s how it happened. Father had planned it, but Father was defeated, so I never married Lancaster._

Richard took a deep breath. Of course, she would find every way she could to deny it. “No, Anne.” He shook his head. “You married Lancaster.” 

Anne was silent. Of course she knew her father had the right to marry her to whomever he chose, but still to marry her to Lancaster. She just could not seem to comprehend this at all. “How long was I married to him?”

“Six months.” Richard murmured. 

Anne closed her eyes. _At least six months doesn’t seem to have been that long._ She lay her head on his shoulder. “What happened?” 

Richard was silent for a moment, then he started to tell her of how her father had put Henry back on the throne, how he and Edward had fled for Bruges. Of course he did not tell her how long that winter had seemed to him, especially once he’d learned of her marriage. He told her of sailing back to England, of everything that had happened. His voice grew even lower as he told her of Barnet, and of her father’s death. 

Anne wasn’t exactly certain when her tears had started. Maybe it was when Richard had started to tell her of the battle where her father died, or maybe it had been his tone of voice when talking about his winter spent in Bruges. She somehow knew he was not telling her everything about that winter. 

Richard tightened his arms around her. “I’ve got you.” He murmured. “It’s okay, let the tears come.” He remembered holding her like this after both miscarriages. He kissed the top of her head, while gently rubbing her shoulders. 

Anne took a deep breath to calm herself. “I am fine.” She said softly, not certain if she was really trying to convince herself or Richard. 

Richard smiled at her tone of voice. “Of course you are.” He said softly, gently rubbing her arm. 

Anne buried her head against Richard’s shoulder, realizing he knew that she wasn’t fine but he wasn’t going to say anything. No, he was just going to silently comfort her. She took a deep breath again to steady herself. “I suppose his…” She could not bring herself to say what she was thinking. Her father’s head on a traitor’s spike, the mere thought of it was almost too much for her. 

“No.” Richard shook his head. “No, sweetheart. He was buried honorably at Bisham Abbey.”

“I want to see it.” Anne murmured. 

“I will take you.” Richard said softly. He’d already taken Anne to her father’s tomb once when they’d first returned to Middleham. 

Anne nodded. “My mother and I….” 

Richard closed his eyes at the mention of the Countess of Warwick. She was a subject he did not want to broach with Anne yet. Since Anne’s accident,he’d ordered the guards to keep a close eye on her. The last thing he wanted was for the Countess to disturb Anne’s recovery. “You left France with Margaret of Anjou and Lancaster. The ships were blown all along the coast, and your mother’s ship landed in Plymouth, and when she learned of your father’s defeat she took sanctuary at Beaulieu Abbey.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “Being your father’s daughter…” He said those words with a smile. “You went on with the Lancastarians.” 

Anne looked at him doubtfully, why would she not have went into sanctuary with her mother? Why would she have went on with the Lancastarians? She would have been free of them, free of a hated husband. At least she imagined he’d been hated. She could not imagine having any other reaction to Edward of Lancaster. 

Richard started to gently stroke her hand. He realized she could not understand her actions then. The thirteen year old girl, she remembered being, that girl had not known hardship, so the actions she’d taken at almost fifteen, those did not make sense to Anne. “You once told me that you knew your father had died trying to put you on the throne, and you were going to see it through until the end.” He said softly. 

Anne was quiet. She remembered being a girl, and thinking it would be the loveliest thing to be queen. But Lancaster’s Queen? Surely, she would not have wanted that. Surely, she must have secretly prayed for York to win. 

“You have no idea what to think of any of this, do you?” Richard said softly. 

“None.” Anne murmured, she moved a little bit in the bed. She was feeling tired yet not ready to sleep. 

“Perhaps we should end here tonight.” Richard murmured against her temple. 

“What?” Anne asked. “No….”

He laughed softly. “You think I do not realize when you are fighting sleep, Anne?” He kissed her cheek. “We’ve only been married and sharing a bed for five years.” 

Anne blushed at the reminder. “I don’t believe I am ready to sleep.” 

Richard laughed softly. “Then what would you like to do?” Normally when she felt this way, they would make love. But now was not the time for making love, he knew she still felt unwell. 

Anne was thoughtful for a moment. “Tell me about our son.” She said softly. 

Richard smiled softly. “He’s almost four now, he’s just left the nursery.” He moved his head closer to hers on the pillow. “He’s just the most adorable little boy.” He said softly. 

“Then he is like you?” Anne asked softly. 

Richard smiled. “So you often say.” He murmured. 

“You disagree?” Anne said softly. 

“To me, he is you.” Richard said softly. 

Anne yawned softly, looking over at him. “Do I see him often?” She imagined she probably saw him daily, and if so what could be possibly be thinking?

“You see him throughout the day, you usually dress him yourself most mornings. You see him in the afternoons, and then you tuck him in most nights.” He said softly. 

“What has he been told?” She asked quickly. 

Richard reached out, touching her cheek gently. “That Mama is sick, and he’ll be able to see you once you are feeling better.” 

“I want to see him.” Anne said determinedly. 

Richard studied her face for a moment. “As long as you are feeling well tomorrow night, I will bring him to you, ma petite.” 

“Thank you.” She said softly as he rubbed her back. “You know that calms me.” She murmured. 

He smiled softly. “Yes, it does.” 

Anne sighed softly as her eyes closed. “Not fair.” 

Richard laughed very softly, watching as she fell asleep. He had to admit he too was tired. He thought he would stay until he was certain Anne slept, but soon he’d closed his own eyes and was asleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Anne looked up as Richard slipped into her chamber that afternoon. She smiled softly. “You’re early.” She said happily. 

He laughed softly sitting on the bed next to her. “Yes, I suppose I am.” He leaned over and kissed her forehead. 

“And to what do I owe this pleasure?” She murmured. 

He smiled softly, remembering how she would say those words to him in the past, and they would end up in bed for the rest of the day. He knew that could not, would not, happen now. He brushed her hair back gently. “If you are feeling well enough to see our boy, I will bring him to you later.” He said softly. 

She grinned. “I would love to see him.”

He slipped his arm around her shoulders. “And you will see him soon.” 

“But not right now.” She said softly. 

“He’s taking an afternoon nap right now.” Richard said softly, chuckling. 

Anne looked up. “What is so funny?” 

He grinned. “His nurses seem to believe he’s just a little bit spoiled, as he will not go to sleep without either you or I to tuck him in.”

Anne studied his face for a moment. “And you’ve been tucking him in since I’ve been ill.” 

“Yes, I have.” He nodded. 

Anne lay her head against his shoulder. She was uncertain why the thought of Richard tucking in their son made her feel so emotional

He stroked her hair gently for a few moments. “I thought we would pass the time together.” 

She looked up again. “Surely you do not have the time to lounge around in bed with your wife all afternoon.” She laughed softly. 

Richard forced the images those words gave him to the back of his mind. “You’d be surprised.” He said, a touch dryly. 

“Well….” She smiled. “You could always tell me more about everything that has happened.” 

“I believe I left off with you going on with Lancaster.” He said softly. 

“Which I still cannot comprehend.” She murmured. 

“You’ve not been through everything that led you to make that decision, even if I tell you what you’ve told me over the years, it still would not be the same.” He said softly. 

She nodded. “There was a battle?” She guessed softly. 

“Yes.” He nodded. “Once which was won by York, and made you a widow.” He murmured. He felt no remorse for that, none at all. 

She nodded. “And when did we meet again?”

“Just as the battle ended, I was charged to take you and your mother-in-law into custody.” He said softly. 

She frowned. “It’s very difficult for me to think of the Bad Queen as my mother-in-law.” 

“I’m sure.” He said softly. “She was taken back to London by Edward, and I escorted you to your sister, Isabel.” He said softly. He then realized his mistake, he’d not really mentioned Isabel before this. 

Anne didn’t notice the catch in his voice as he mentioned Isabel. “I suppose we talked during the journey.” 

He smiled, as he realized she’d not caught his tone when he said Isabel’s name. “Oh yes, we certainly did.” 

She turned to face him. “When did you start to court me, Richard?”

He laughed softly. “On the way to Isabel’s.” He said honestly. 

She looked up at him. “Well that is intriguing.” She murmured. 

“You were placed under George and Isabel’s care….” He sighed softly. “And my brother….” He shook his head. 

“What Richard?” She lay her hand against his arm. 

He took a deep breath. “You must remember that with your father dead, your mother in sanctuary, you were quite the wealthy heiress.” He said softly. 

She closed her eyes. “He wanted it all.” She guessed. 

“Yes.” Richard nodded. 

She opened her eyes, and looked up at him. “Yet, he did not get it all.” 

“Most certainly he did not.” Richard replied. “But it was not before he….” 

“What?” She reached out, gently touching his cheek. 

He leaned in to her touch for a moment. From the time they’d married Anne had known that simple touch could calm him easily. “He hid you away.” He said softly. “In a Cheapside inn.” 

“What?” Anne was completely shocked. 

“I came back from Middleham, and you were missing. He swore he had no idea, yet I knew. Finally we searched all of his retainers, and I found you.” He closed his eyes, remembering the emotion of those moments. How he’d held her, how he’d not cared how filthy she was, all he’d cared about had been her safety. 

Anne was silent for a few moments, trying to understand all of that. “And then we married.” She said softly. 

“It took several months.” He said softly. “I took you to sanctuary at St. Martin Legrand. You were ill the first few weeks. I would come to check on you, bring you honey for your cough, feed it to you. Once you were well, you actually enjoyed being in sanctuary for a time.” 

She looked up at him, dubiously. “I did?”

“You must remember you had no control over anything before sanctuary. You’d been mistreated by those who should have never mistreated you. Once you told me, you felt free. Oh you were impatient for it to end.” 

“Oh, I was?” She smiled. 

“Hmmmm.” He took her hand into his. “We were completely alone most of the time. We kissed, we touched.” He was quiet for a moment. 

“We did not wait for our wedding to bed did we?” She asked softly. 

“Technically, yes we did.” He said softly. “But we kissed, we touched.” He said softly. They’d stopped short of consummating because she’d not wanted to fall pregnant, but there had been things they’d done during that time that he’d needed to confess. He had no regrets though. After the horrors of her marriage bed with Lancaster, he’d known Anne would need soothing, and he’d been more than happy to do so. 

“Oh….” She said softly. 

Richard looked at her, realizing he wanted so badly to kiss her. He had willpower, he could stop at just a few kisses. “Anne….” He murmured. “I want to kiss you.” 

She smiled softly. “Good, because I want to be kissed.” 

He laughed softly, before kissing her, slowly. As she responded and kissed him back, he slowly increased the passion of his kiss. 

“Richard….” She murmured. 

“You want me to stop?” He breathed. 

“No.” She shook her head. 

As they kissed he couldn’t help but think his long ago thoughts that she would be the death of him were not fair from the truth. 

 

Richard almost wanted to laugh, as Ned ran up the stairs, he was certainly anxious to see his mother. But he supposed to Ned that five days without seeing his mother seemed like such a long time. 

“Slow down, Ned.” Richard said softly. 

Ned turned back to face his father, pouting just a little. “But I want to see Mama.” 

“And you will.” Richard nodded. “Do you remember what I told you?”

“Mama’s sick.” Ned said softly. 

Richard was standing a few steps below Ned on the staircase. He nodded. “Yes, Mama is sick.” 

“And she might seem a little….odd.” Ned said softly. 

“Yes, she might.” Richard said softly. “But your mama loves you very much.” 

Ned grinned, and started to run up the stairs again. When he reached the top, he stopped and waited for Richard to reach him. Richard reached down and took Ned’s hand, before opening the door of Anne’s chamber. 

Anne looked up as they walked into the chamber. She could not help but grin. This was her son, and if she’d ever imagined having Richard’s son, this was exactly how he would have looked. 

“Mama!” Ned cried excitedly, breaking away from Richard and running to Anne’s bed. 

“Ned.” She smiled, as she tried to climb up the bed. After a moment, Richard took pity on their son, and lifted him up onto the bed. Ned moved against her, and snuggled just as close to her as possible. Anne started to gently stroke his hair, she found although its color was Richard’s the texture was so much like hers. 

“It’s been forever, Mama.” Ned said softly. 

“I know.” She said softly. “And I am very sorry.” 

He looked up at her and grinned. He was clearly missing one of his front teeth now. 

Richard, who was standing next to the bed, quickly caught Anne’s eye. He gestured to his mouth, and then mouthed. “Tooth.” 

Anne looked at Ned again. “Just a moment, there’s something different.” She grinned. 

Ned looked up at her, and grinned again. 

“Oh, let’s see…” She started to tease him. “Has your nose gotten bigger.” She touched the tip of his nose with her finger. 

Ned giggled. “No, Mama!”

“Hmmm, well maybe it’s….oh, I’ve got it, Ned. It’s your ears isn’t it?” Anne managed not to laugh

Ned grinned widely. “Mama!” He laughed. 

“Oh…..I know, you’ve lost a tooth.” She grinned. 

Ned nodded. “Yes.” 

“Do you know what that means?” Anne asked. 

“What?” Ned asked. 

“It means you’re a big boy now.” She said softly. 

He looked up at her. “I’m your boy.” 

She kissed the top of his head. “Yes, you are.” She closed her eyes, as Ned snuggled close against her. She couldn’t help but think there was nothing like this in the world, the feeling of holding her son close to her. 

Richard sat down on the bed, his eyes studying Anne’s face. He’d hoped that seeing Ned would help her to remember, but it was clear to him she did not remember. Oh, she’d behaved with him just as she always had, holding him close, playing with him, but Richard could see there was something missing. He could tell that even holding Ned seemed to be overwhelming her emotions. 

He reached out gently stroking Ned’s hair for a moment. He resisted smiling as Ned shook his head. “Yes.” He said softly. “It is time for bed.” 

Ned snuggled closer to Anne for a moment, before he sat up. As Anne watched Richard, she realized he knew she was feeling overwhelmed right now. That was why he was taking Ned to bed. He was giving her the time to adjust, and to think upon her feelings. 

She kissed Ned’s temple. “Mama loves you.” She said very softly. 

Ned looked up at her and grinned. “More than the moon and the stars.” 

Anne could not help but return his grin. “More than the sun, the moon, and the stars.” 

As Richard’s eyes grew wide for a moment, Anne couldn’t help but wonder where that phrase came from. Was it something she said often to Ned? He certainly did not seem surprised by it. 

She almost laughed as Ned held his arms out for Richard to pick him up. She could remember when she was a small child, and had not liked something she’d wanted to be carried too. She was a little surprised when Richard did pick up Ned. 

“I’ll be back momentarily.” He said softly. 

As the door closed behind them, Anne curled up on her side. Her little boy was just as she would have imagined. When Richard had been holding him, she’d realized how much their son looked like his father. What kind of Mother was she though? How could she forget her child? 

When Richard came back to Anne’s chambers, he found her still curled up, and he heard a few sniffles as he moved over to her. “Anne?” He said softly, as he sat on the bed. 

She turned towards him, placing her head in his lap. “What kind of mother am I?” She sniffled. “How could I have forgotten my son?”

Richard was quiet for a moment, as he started to stroke her hair. “You are a wonderful mother.” He said softly. 

“Truly?” She said softly. 

“You are.” He said softly. “I promise you that, and you have been from the time you realized you carried him.” 

She smiled just a bit at that. “How did I tell you?” She murmured. 

Richard laughed softly. “When you found out, I was away at Sheriff Hutton. By the time I returned to Middleham, you were quite unable to hide it from me.” 

Anne looked up at him. “I was that large?” 

He laughed softly. “No.” Richard shook his head. “Keep in mind, I know your body very well, and I noticed the slight swelling of your belly almost immediately.” 

Anne was certain she was blushing. There was an easy intimacy in his voice, in the way one of his hands was stroking her hair, the other had moved to her belly, and his fingers her splayed against its flatness. She could just imagine his fingers the same way when she was swollen with his child. 

“You have loved him from the day you’ve known about him. You still love Ned. Your mind, yes your mind does not remember everything, but your heart does.” He said softly, gently placing his hand over her heart. 

“You truly believe that, don’t you?” Anne asked softly. 

“Yes, I do.” Richard said softly. 

She opened her eyes. “I remember none of his milestones. I don’t remember him crawling, his first words, his first steps….” 

“He started crawling at around six or seven months old.” Richard said softly. “It used to frighten you when I would let him crawl on our bed, you thought he might fall from the bed.” 

“Of course, he never did.” She said softly. 

“Of course not.” Richard murmured. “His first word was ‘mama.’ He was around eleven months when he said it clearly, and you were so gleeful he’d said mama before he said papa.” Richard laughed softly. 

Anne looked up at him. “Why?”

Richard laughed again. “Because we had a bet on which he would say first.” 

Anne grinned. “And what did I win?” 

Richard laughed. “That is a story for another time.” 

Anne frowned for a moment, and then nodded. “Then continue with this one.” 

“A couple of days after he first spoke, I left for York for meetings with Henry Percy, then I went to Pontefract to meet with the King. By the time I returned, you had coaxed him into saying Papa as well.” 

Anne laughed softly “I am certain that made you very happy.” 

“Of course.” Richard nodded. “Now, as for walking, he was a little over a year old when he took his first steps on his own. He’d been walking for a month though when holding our hands.”

She smiled. “That is rather cute.” 

“Yes, it was.” Richard agreed. “Do not ever think you are a bad mother, dearest. You are a wonderful mother.” 

“Thank you.” She said softly. 

“And remember your heart remembers those you love even when your mind does not.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Richard’s eyes adjusted to the darkness of the chamber, which was illuminated only by the fire which was burning in the hearth. The curtains to Anne’s bed were open. He was amazed for a moment at how quickly he’d started calling it her bed, not theirs. 

He could just see Anne’s sleeping form in the center of the bed. As he walked closer, he realized she had pulled his pillow close against her chest. She’d long ago told him that she often did that when he was away. He knew he would have to tell her soon, he would have to tell her about Isabel. He’d held back telling her, hoping that her memory would return, and he would not have to tell her yet again that her sister was dead. 

He did not think he would ever forget how she’d taken the news the news the first time. George’s letter had arrived during the Christmas festivities. Middleham had been full of guests. Anne had come quickly to his side as he’d read the letter. When he’d looked at her, she’d known, and she’d immediately shaken her head in denial. He’d taken her arm and led her from the great hall. With his arms wrapped tightly around her, she’d finally given way to her tears as they’d reached the bedchamber. Richard did not think he would ever forget the way Anne had sobbed over Isabel’s death. 

He gently stroked her hair. Truthfully, he blamed himself for her accident. He should have realized, despite her outward appearances, she was not dealing well with the loss of her sister. He felt he should have been with her, that he could have stopped her from riding so recklessly. He did not understand how the loss of Anne’s memories could be the will of God, but clearly it was. 

Anne stirred a little, feeling Richard stroking her hair. She sleepily murmured his name. 

“Shhhhh.” He said softly, trying to get her to fall back asleep. 

Anne slowly opened her eyes. “Ah, you are here.” She said softly. She sighed softly. Anne could not understand why most mornings she woke up holding this pillow. 

“Yes, I am.” He said softly as she turned towards him. 

“What’s wrong?” Anne asked softly. 

“I could not sleep.” He said softly. Of course he’d not sleep well since her accident. 

Anne frowned. She couldn’t remember ever really having problems sleeping, but then again that didn’t mean anything. “Does that happen often?” 

Richard laughed softly. “It seems it has lately.” He was shocked as Anne pulled him down to lie next to her. 

“I’m guessing by lately, you mean since I’ve been….sick.” She said softly. 

“Yes.” He said softly. 

“And you’ve said we usually sleep together, so it seems to be the only thing that has changed is we’ve not shared a bed. 

Richard laughed softly. “Yes, that is true. But there is also…”

Anne sat up. “What?” She said softly. 

He took a deep breath. “There are still things to talk with you about.” 

She nodded. She’d expected that, of course. “Then light a few of the candles, and we’ll talk.” 

Richard glanced over at her for a moment. He thought about persuading Anne to go back to sleep, but as he noticed the look in her eyes, he knew that would never work. He got up and lit several of the candles. “Is that better?” He smiled a bit, as he came back to the bed. 

Anne looked up at him, clearly whatever was left to tell her was upsetting him. “Yes, it is.” 

“You’ve probably noticed I’ve not mentioned Isabel much.” He said softly, deciding it was best to get it over with. 

“Yes….not since George….” She waved her hand, not even knowing how to term everything George had done. 

Richard nodded, and took a deep breath. “They’ve had two children, Margaret and Edward.” 

Anne laughed softly. “So I imagine we all have an Edward.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Yes.” 

“Go on.” She said softly. 

“Isabel was pregnant a fourth time, but she was sick.” He said very softly. “She has a little boy, they named him Richard…” 

Anne was silent, sensing this would not end well. She waited for Richard to continue. 

“After the baby was born, her condition worsened….” 

“Isabel’s gone, isn’t she?” Anne said very softly. 

“Yes, sweetheart.” He murmured. 

Anne took a deep breath, crying so hard not to cry. “When?”

“December.” He said softly. 

Anne turned to look at him. “And it’s what, May now?” She said softly. 

“Yes, it is.” He nodded. 

Anne was quiet as the realization dawned. “That’s why I was out riding, and why I was being so reckless.” She said softly. 

“Yes.” Richard admitted softly to her. 

Anne turned, burying her head against his chest. She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.” She murmured. 

Richard immediately kissed the top of her head. “You do not need to apologize.” He murmured. “I know you were grieving, I should have….” 

“You should have what?” She murmured. 

“I should have never let you go out riding alone.” He murmured. 

She raised up to look at him. “Did I tell you I wanted to be alone?”

“Yes.” He nodded. 

“Do you usually try to honor what I wish?” She asked softly. 

“Of course.” He said softly. 

“Then don’t blame yourself.” She said softly.”You had no way of knowing any of this would happen.” 

“You do have a point.” Richard smiled a bit. 

“Besides, I am fine. Except for not remembering the last eight years.” Anne quipped, then put her hand over her mouth, not believing what she’d said. 

Richard could not help but laugh, he pulled her close against him. 

“I’m sorry.” She murmured. “I should not have…”

“Don’t you dare.” He said softly. “Do you know how much you sounded like yourself?”

“I did?” Anne said softly.

“Oh yes, you did.” He murmured, kissing the top of her head again. 

She sighed softly, and snuggled close. “You’re better than the pillow.” She murmured. 

Richard laughed softly. “You should know that’s my pillow.” He said softly. 

“It is?” Anne looked up at him, a little surprised. 

“Hmmmm, it is, and you’re sleeping on what is usually my side of the bed.” He said softly. 

Anne looked up at him. “Maybe you’re right, even though my mind doesn’t remember, my heart does.” 

“I think so.” He said softly. 

“Will you stay?” She said softly. 

“Of course.” He nodded. 

She sat up. “Then you should get up, and I’ll give you your side of the bed.” 

“You don’t have to do that, Anne.” Richard said softly. 

She shook her head. “I want it to be like it normally is.” 

After just a moment, Richard got up. He thought it to his credit that he did not tell her that often they were sleeping without nightclothes. 

Anne scooted over in the bed. “Is that enough room for you?” She asked. 

He laughed softly, getting into bed. “Come here, Anne.”

She scooted closer to him. “Like this?” She asked. 

“Turn on your side, facing me.” He said softly. As she did, he slipped his arm around her shoulder, and pulled her against him. Anne immediately lay her head against his shoulder. 

“Like this?” She asked softly. 

“Exactly.” He said softly, drawing her other hand against his chest. 

She sighed softly. “You’re definitely better than the pillow, Richard.” She said sleepily. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Anne tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair. She was finally allowed out of bed. Finally. She could not be happier. The physicians still wanted her to rest, and it had been suggested she keep mostly to her chambers. She was disappointed in that. She wanted to go out, to explore her Middleham, see the differences. Perhaps she could talk Richard into letting her out. 

“Ah, I see you’re out of bed.” Richard smiled softly. 

“Yes!” Anne grinned. “But not out of this chamber.” 

He laughed softly, walking over to her. “Why do I feel as if you are about to cajole me into taking you out of the chamber, _ma petite_?”

“Oh, please!” Anne grinned. 

He laughed softly. “When have I ever been able deny you anything?” He asked softly. 

Anne laughed softly. “Never that I know.” 

“Come here.” He said softly. 

Anne stood and walked over to him. “Yes?” She said softly. 

Richard gently pulled her into his arms. He took a deep breath. It felt so very good to have Anne back in his arms, where she belonged. 

Anne took a deep breath. She lay her head against his shoulder. Being in his arms like this, it felt right to her. He was fond of speaking about how her heart remembered things, it seemed to her that her body remembered being in his arms, being held like this. She couldn’t help but think they fit together. 

“Anne…” Richard said softly 

She looked up, realizing almost immediately he wanted to kiss her, and that she wanted his kiss. She closed her eyes, waiting for him to kiss her. She did not have to wait long at all, for a moment later, Richard gently touched her lips with his own. She wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers tangling in the curls at the nape of his neck. 

Richard fought the urge to pull her tightly against him. He wanted to hold her tightly, to feel her soft curves against him. But to do so would only make him want more, and he doubted Anne was truly ready for that. He pulled back, kissing her forehead. 

“You wanted to go out.” He murmured. “To see the changes you’ve made to Middleham.” 

“I’ve made changes to Middleham?” She asked softly. 

“You’ve expanded the gardens.” He said softly. 

“Oh, I do want to see them.” Anne grinned. 

Richard picked up her cloak and placed it on her shoulders. 

“Oh, do I really need the cloak?” Anne asked. It seemed so sunny and warm from looking out the windows. 

“It’s quite windy, and it’s only early May.” He said softly. 

“Oh, very well.” She sighed softly. 

He laughed very softly. “You’re quite adorable when you’re pouting.” He said softly. 

Anne looked up. “Oh, I didn’t mean…” 

He kissed her forehead. “Really, it is fine.” 

Anne slipped her arm into his as they walked out into the gardens. “Yes, I can see, I have expanded them.” She grinned. 

“You wanted more flowers.” He said softly. 

“And you were glad to humor me.” Anne said softly. 

“I was.” Richard replied. 

Anne walked over to one of the rose bushes, it was too early for it to be blooming. “They are white, I suppose.” 

Richard laughed softly. “Of course they are.” 

Anne moved over to him. She slowly wrapped her arm around his waist. 

Richard kissed the top of her head. “Such a pity it’s too early to pick roses for you, dearest.” 

Anne laughed softly. “Then you may pick them later.” 

He gently pulled Anne close, letting his chin rest on top of her head. Her arms went around him tightly. Richard closed his eyes, enjoying having his wife in his arms again. He forgot where they were standing though, that they could easily be observed from his mother-in-law’s chambers. In fact, her existence at Middleham had almost completely slipped his mind during Anne’s ordeal. If he’d glanced up on the window, he would have noticed the Countess watching the interactions between him and Anne. 

 

Anne sighed softly, turning in the bed. She had no idea why she was having so many problems sleeping tonight. She reached across the empty bed. Richard was not with her. He’d said he needed to work on correspondence, which had piled up during her illness. She found that easy to believe, after all he’d spent so much time with her while she’d been ill. 

She didn’t remember what it was like to have him in bed next to her nightly. He’d only slept next to her last night. She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d grown used to his presence so quickly. Being held by him as she’d slept last night had felt so right. 

She closed her eyes, surely she could fall asleep. She soon had dozed off, so she did not hear the door open, nor did she hear Richard slip into the chamber. 

He wanted to laugh as he observed her in the bed. Anne had moved over to his side of the bed. He was almost certain she wasn’t deeply asleep. She’d had problems sleeping without him from almost the beginning of their marriage. 

Anne woke as Richard slipped into the bed. “Richard…” 

“Shhhh, I’m here.” He said softly. 

She snuggled close, smiling as his arm went over her waist. “I couldn’t sleep.” She murmured. 

“I know.” He said softly. 

“You say that as if that is normal.” She said softly. 

“You’ve always had problems sleeping alone.” He said softly. 

“What do you think it means that I’m having those problems now.” She said sleepily. 

“I would say you’re definitely feeling better.” He said softly, stroking her hair. 

She sighed softly. “I do feel better.” She murmured. Of course except for the headaches at first, she’d not really felt ill. 

“You have no idea how much joy those words bring me.” He said softly. 

“Great joy, I hope.” She murmured sleepily. It was funny how much easier it was to fall asleep with him at her side. 

_As she started to dream, Anne realized she did not recognize the chamber where she was. It was a small bedchamber, with a small bed and a small dressing table. Through the door, she somehow knew there was another small chamber, this one with a few chairs, and a table._

_She did not recognize the dress she wore either, but she was touched by the simplicity of it. Clearly it was made it a way that she could easily dress and undress herself. She was also quite surprised her hair was not up at all. No, it was in soft ringlets hanging down her back._

_She was certain she’d never dressed this way in her life._

_She looked up as the door opened, and Richard walked in. “Richard!” She cried happily. He’d been gone so many weeks, and she’d missed him so much_

_He caught her easily in his arms, and kissed her deeply. Anne wrapped her arms around him kissing him back. She laughed softly, as he picked her up, holding her tightly against him._

_“From this greeting, I would guess you’ve missed me.” Anne said softly._

_“Of course, I have.” He murmured. “And I have wonderful news.”_

_“What is that?” She grinned._

_“George has finally given in.” He said exasperatedly._

_Anne was so happy, she almost screamed in joy. “Finally!” She grinned._

_He laughed softly. “Yes, well he still gets half of your mother’s Beauchamp holdings, and I gave up being Great Chamberlain.” He shrugged._

_“You gave up Great Chamberlain?” She asked softly._

_He laughed softly. “I have too many positions, perhaps it’s time for George to take one.”_

_Anne laughed very softly. “You realize he’s going to hate the responsibility.”_

_“Oh, I do.” He nodded. “George should be careful of what he asks for.”_

_Anne laughed very softly. “Perhaps he should.”_

_“All we must wait on now is the dispensation.” He said softly._

_“It’ll come soon.” Anne said confidently._

_“I’ve missed you.” He murmured, starting to back her towards the bed._

_“I’ve missed you.” Anne said softly, as he placed her on the small bed._

_Richard started to unlace her dress. She moaned softly as he kissed her neck. Her back arched as his fingers slipped underneath her shift and cupped her breast._

_“I’ve got you.” Richard murmured._

_“I know.” She murmured. She absolutely could not wait to be his wife._

Anne woke with a start. Her hand had slipped beneath her nightgown, and she was gently rubbing her nipple. She realized immediately Richard was no longer in the bed with her. As she opened her eyes, she realized it was already morning, so she imagined Richard was up to start the day. 

She blushed as she pulled her hand away. The dream, it had seemed so real almost like a memory. Richard had told her they had touched and kissed while she’d been in sanctuary. Where the chambers of her dream the same chambers where she’d spent those months? Had Richard truly given up the office of Great Chamberlain to marry her? She supposed she would have to ask him. 

Truthfully, she was relieved he’d been gone when she awakened. She knew what she’d been doing was wrong. You were not supposed to touch yourself to bring pleasure. She knew that, it was a lesson she’d learned years ago. Although in her mind the lesson was not from years ago. She had no idea how Richard would have reacted if he’d still been there when she’d awakened. She could not imagine him being happy about what she’d been doing. No, he probably would not want a complete wanton as his wife. 

But she remembered he said they shared a bed nightly. They were intimate several times a week. She knew she liked his kisses, and from the dream she realized she wanted more. She wanted to be his wife again, in every single way. And she would figure out a way to make it happen. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had not taken long for Anne to realize Ned’s nursery was in the same location as her old nursery. So of course as she felt well enough to be out of her chambers, she immediately went to see her son. 

As she stepped into the nursery, Anne immediately found Ned. He was sitting on the floor, playing with a set of blocks. “What are you building?” She asked. 

“Mama!” Ned cried happily, running over to her. 

Anne knelt, and hugged him close. There was still absolutely nothing that felt like holding her son. 

“You’re better?” Ned asked softly. 

Anne smiled softly. “I am feeling much better.” 

Ned smiled. “Good, I don’t like it when you’re sick, Mama.” 

“Neither do I.” Anne said softly, as she realized Ned must have other experiences of her being sick. She supposed it was the miscarriages Richard had mentioned to her. 

“I’ll show you my blocks, Mama.” Ned grinned. 

“That sounds like fun.” Anne grinned, she couldn’t help but think he looked adorable with the missing tooth. 

Anne sat down on the floor with Ned, easily spreading her skirts under her. She laughed softly, as they tried to build a castle, and laughed even more when Ned told her she couldn’t put the block on top. When she did it caused the entire castle to fall. She was relieved when Ned only laughed about it. 

When it was time for Ned’s nap, Anne decided to take him back with her to her chambers to nap. From the way his face lit up, she could not help but wonder if this was something she did frequently. As they were getting ready to leave the nursery, Ned ran back and picked up a stuffed animal. 

“You know, I can’t sleep without Wolfie.” He smiled. 

Anne looked at the stuffed animal in his hand, and she wanted to laugh. It was clearly made to look like one of Richard’s wolfhounds. “No, of course you cannot.” She grinned. 

When they reached her bedchamber, Ned sat on the bed as she took his little boots off. She marveled to herself for a moment about how cute they were. Then he scooted back against the pillows, clutching Wolfie the entire time. When Anne got into the bed with him, Ned snuggled close. They talked quietly for a bit, Ned telling her all about Wolfie’s day, until he said it was time for Wolfie to go to sleep. 

_Anne looked up as Richard walked into their bedchamber. She could not help but grin as she saw he was carrying Ned, who was holding the stuffed dog she’d made for him a few days earlier._

_“You decided he should sleep in here?” Anne smiled._

_“I thought he needed some time with his parents.” Richard grinned. “Then he’ll sleep.”_

_Although he had a cradle in the nursery, they’d also kept a cradle in their chambers for Ned. They both adored their baby son, and wanted him close as much as possible._

_Anne held her hands out, and Richard easily placed Ned into her arms. She kissed his cheek as he chattered. The words were not understandable yet, but both she and Richard were certain Ned would be talking soon._

_Ned had soon squirmed out of Anne’s arms, and she placed him on the bed. She watched for a moment as he started to crawl. “Richard….”_

_“He’s fine.” Richard said immediately. “He’s not going to crawl off the bed.”_

_Anne gave him a look. The bed was large, and Ned was crawling quickly towards the other side._

_Richard stretched out on the bed, easily blocking Ned’s path. When he crawled into his father, Ned started to giggle, thinking it was all a game. Richard laughed softly, raising his eyes up and meeting Anne’s eyes. He couldn’t help but grin as he noticed she was laughing too._

Anne sighed softly, as she started to wake. She’d not even really realized she’d dozed off. She supposed there were times she was still weak from her illness, but she would not admit that to anyone. Ned was still asleep, and she could feel him snuggled against her. She also could tell she was lying against Richard. 

She’d not opened her eyes yet, not stirred enough to alert Richard that she was awake. The dream...had it been another memory? Just like the way she’d had last night. It had felt so real, and she remembered Richard telling her that Ned had enjoyed crawling over their bed, but she’d never liked it. And the little dog, that was clearly the same little stuffed dog her son currently had clutched against his chest. 

She turned her head against Richard’s shoulder, sighing softly. There was so much for her to think about now, and honestly it was confusing her. 

“What is it, Anne?” He asked softly. 

She was quiet for a moment. “There’s nothing wrong, just a lot on my mind.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked softly. 

She smiled a bit. “Later tonight?” She said softly. 

“You want me to come before you go to bed then?” He said softly. 

“Please.” She said softly, certain she had to be blushing just a bit, as she remembered the dream from last night. 

“Then of course I will.” He said softly. 

 

Richard kissed the top of Anne’s head as she scooted closer to him in the bed. “You said there’s been a lot on your mind?” He said softly. He couldn’t imagine it being otherwise. She’d learned so much since waking up. Honestly, he’d been expecting this for days. 

“Last night, and then while napping with Ned this afternoon, I’ve had these dreams.” She said softly. 

“What kind of dreams?” He asked. 

“I think they’ve been memories.” She said softly. 

“What?” Richard said softly. “What have you dreamt?” _Could they really be memories? Was it possible Anne would regain what she’d lost?_

“Today, I dreamt of when Ned was a baby. At least I think I did. You brought him in to stay with us that night.” She said softly. 

Richard smiled. “Trust me, that was something we did a lot.” 

“We did?” She asked softly. 

“We both liked having Ned nearby, and when we started bringing him in with us, he was sleeping through the night.” Richard said softly. 

“He was holding the stuffed dog he had today.” She said softly. 

“Wolfie.” Richard laughed softly. “You made that dog for him.”

“I did?” She smiled. 

“Hmmm.” He nodded. “You did, and he’s always loved it. Actually…” He smiled. “This is Wolfie number two, but Ned doesn’t realize it. Wolfie number one had a bit of a mishap when Ned was a baby, and was torn very badly.” 

She laughed very softly. “So I made him another one.” 

“Stayed up half the night making the second one.” Richard said softly. He looked over at her. “You truly are a wonderful mother.” 

“Ned said he didn’t like it when I am sick today.” She said softly. 

“He remembers the last miscarriage.” Richard said very softly. “You were tired and weak after it, you were in bed for a couple of weeks.” 

She nodded. “How long ago was that?” She asked softly. 

“About nine months ago.” He said softly. 

“Ned was crawling all over the bed in my dream, and you lay across the bed to stop him.” She said softly. 

He closed his eyes, almost certain that was a memory. “That’s a memory, Anne.” He said softly. “I’m almost certain.”

“Last night, I dreamt of you and I.” She said softly. “I didn’t recognize the place, but it was small, tiny actually, there was an outer chamber and a bedchamber. The bed was small.” 

“That was St. Martin LeGrand.” Richard said softly. 

She nodded. That’s what she’d suspected. She was quiet for a moment, wondering whether she should tell him. “In my dream, George had just given his permission for us to marry, and you gave up the post of Great Chamberlain.” 

“Yes, I did.” He said softly, as she looked up at him. “And you are wondering why?”

“I do admit…” She said softly. 

“You mean more to me than any office I could hold, _ma petite_.” He said very softly. 

Anne buried her head against his shoulder. “I….” She had no idea what to say. 

“You don’t have to say anything.” He said softly. 

“In the dream, I also dreamt of us touching and kissing.” She said softly. 

He kissed the top of her head. “I imagine so, we did a lot of that.” He couldn’t help but smile at the memories. 

Anne snuggled close as she closed her eyes. 

“You’re tired, _ma petite_.” He said softly. 

“Yes.” She murmured. “And I don’t completely understand it. I’ve not done anything today.” 

“You’re still weak from being ill.” He said softly. “Give it time.” 

“You’ll stay?” She asked softly. 

“Of course, I will.” He murmured, pulling her close against him to rest. 

As she fell asleep, the last coherent thought in Anne’s mind was that she would find a way for Richard to realize she was completely ready to be a wife again. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anne nodded her thanks as her maid finished brushing her hair. “No, leave it down.” She said softly, as the maid started to braid her hair. 

“Is there anything else you need, Your Grace?” The maid asked, hiding a smile. 

“No, I do not believe so.” Anne nodded. “Good night.” 

“Good night, Your Grace.” 

Anne looked around the chamber for a moment. She was completely recovered from her fall, except she did not remember the last eight years yet. The physicians had said she was well almost a fortnight earlier, yet Richard had not returned to her bed. At least not to be intimate They would kiss, but that was all. Anne had to admit she wondered why he did not treat her as a wife. He’d said they shared the bed nightly, which they were; he was sleeping at her side. He’d said they were lovers, yet he’d not made love to her since she’d fallen. Anne wanted that to change so much. 

She slipped the gown over her head, as she got into the bed. Tonight, she would see if she could entice him. Tonight she would see if he would make her his wife again completely. She had to admit she felt a little strange lying naked on the bed. She hoped she would not have to wait long for Richard. 

Richard opened the door to Anne’s bedchamber. He stopped just as he stepped inside and blinked. Yes, his wife was lying naked on the bed. He blinked again, no he was not imagining it. She was naked, on the bed, waiting for him. “Anne?”

“You’ve said we share the bedchamber, that we are lovers….” She felt herself flush as she realized he was staring at her breasts. 

Richard’s breath caught for just a moment, as she moved her hair back from her shoulders, giving him an even better view of her breasts. She was quite the minx, his wife, and of course he was quite glad to see that had not changed. 

Anne watched as he undid the belt which held his dagger, and let it drop to the floor. She raised up on her knees in the center of the bed, as he walked towards her, unbuttoning his doublet, and tossing it to the floor, as he reached the bed. 

“You’re certain of this?” Richard asked softly. 

“I’m your wife.” Anne said softly. “And I wish to be treated as such.” 

He brushed her hair back gently, before kissing her. For the first time since she’d awakened, he allowed Anne to feel some of the hunger and passion he felt for her.

Anne groaned softly, it was the first time he’d kissed her like this; at least that she could remember. “Richard….” She groaned very softly. 

Richard kissed her forehead. “Anne.” He murmured. He knew he had to slow down, to keep himself under control. Anne had no memory of their lovemaking. Although her body was not virginal, her mind certainly likely was. 

Anne wrapped her arms around him, laughing softly as his shirt tickled her as he pulled her close.

“What?” Richard murmured, starting to kiss her neck. 

“Your shirt, it tickles.” She said softly, tilting her head back. 

He laughed softly. “There’s an easy remedy to that problem.” He pulled back and tossed his shirt over his head and onto the floor. He pulled her close. “How’s that?” He murmured. 

She sighed very softly, hesitantly running her hand over his chest. “Much better.” She said very softly. 

“You want to touch me?” He asked softly. 

Anne looked up. “Yes.” She murmured, almost shyly. 

“Go ahead.” He murmured. 

Anne slowly let her hands run over his chest. She could feel his muscles and strength. She kissed him gently, as her hands ran over his chest. She started to kiss his neck, just as he had hers earlier. 

Richard sighed very softly, his fingers gently stroking her belly. He knew that was something that would drive her crazy. He moved to gently lay her back against the pillows. He gently cupped her breasts, as his lips moved to her breasts as well. He smiled as he felt her arch against him. . 

“Richard…” Anne murmured. She had no idea exactly what he was doing to her. She only knew she liked it. “I feel….” She didn’t know how to express it. Could not truly understand why she felt so empty. 

“Empty.” He murmured, finishing her thought as his hands moved down her body. He gently parted her thighs, and a moment later, he slipped a finger inside. 

Anne cried out, her head falling back as Richard’s finger slipped inside her. He groaned softly, feeling how wet she was. He knew normally, she would soon beg for him to take her. He slipped another finger in, causing her to cry out even more. 

Anne did not totally understand what was happening with her body. She cried out again as she felt herself start to come apart, and she experienced the first orgasm she could remember. “Richard.” She murmured once she was able to speak. 

He kissed her forehead. “I’ve got you.” He said softly. 

“Is that….” She took a breath. “Is that all?”

He laughed very softly. “No, sweetheart.” He kissed her gently. 

“I want….” She wasn’t entirely certain what she was asking for, but as Richard unlaced his breeches, she was not afraid. While her mind did not remember being bedded by Richard, she realized her body certainly did. When she saw him, she didn’t feel afraid at all. She groaned, spreading her legs instinctively for him. 

Richard groaned as he thrust slowly into her. He watched her closely as he gave her time to adjust to him. He watched her face, relieved to see no fear. 

“Richard….” Anne murmured. 

“Bring your legs up, wrap them around me.” He said softly

Anne did as he suggested, groaning softly as she felt him move deeper within her. She started to move her hips in time with his thrusts. “You feel….” She groaned. 

“You feel amazing.” He murmured. 

“Richard….” She cried out as she felt it starting again. 

“Let it happen.” He groaned, knowing he was so close. But he wanted her, he wanted her to feel pleasure again. 

She cried out with pleasure yet again. 

He groaned, as he climaxed, wanting to just collapse against her. But he held himself back, and buried his face against her neck. 

“Richard?” Anne murmured as she rubbed his back. 

He looked up at her. “Hmmmmm.”

“That’s it?” She asked. 

He kissed her forehead. “Yes.” He murmured knowing he should move, not keep his weight on her, but right now, he did not want to move. 

“Hmmm.” She sighed contently. She groaned as he moved off her, but then snuggled close as he moved her into his arms. 

He kissed her forehead. “How are you?” He asked softly. 

She sighed very softly. “This is what it means to be a wife.” She said very softly. 

He kissed her gently. “In part.” 

She sighed. “How often….”

“How often do we usually make love?” He guessed. 

“Yes.” She nodded. 

He brushed her head back. “At least a couple of times a week.” 

She smiled. “And now, we sleep.” 

“Yes.” He murmured. 

“Do we need our night clothes?” She asked. 

He closed his eyes for a moment at that reminder of her mental innocence. “Do you want yours?” 

She shook her head. “No, I like the feel of your skin against mine.” 

He held her close, rubbing her back as he could feel her falling asleep. He sighed softly, once he realized she’d fallen asleep. He closed his eyes, he wasn’t entirely certain it had been wise to bed her tonight. But then again, she was completely recovered from her ordeal. The physicians found it doubtful she would regain her memories. He could not help but hope the dreams she’d had recently were signs she would regain the memories. Only time would tell. 

He sighed softly, burying his face in her hair for a moment, he could smell the lavender scented soap, which had been used to wash it. Always such a familiar scent to him, one that made him think of Anne. He kissed the top of her head, and then closed his eyes. Hopefully, sleep would not be long in coming. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anne awakened as the sunlight streamed through the windows. They had forgotten to draw the curtains, so the sun was streaming directly into her face. Sighing softly, she moved to bury her head against the pillows, but encountered Richard’s shoulder instead. She turned her head, burying it against his shoulder. 

“We forgot to close the curtains.” He murmured. 

“You forgot.” She laughed softly. “I’ve not been out of bed since before you came last night.” She could feel he was fighting laugher. 

“Ah, so this is all my fault?” He laughed. 

“Yes, it is.” She laughed softly. She gasped softly, as he kissed her neck. “Richard!”

He looked up at her. “Hmmmm?” He said softly, as his hands started to move over her body. 

“It’s morning.” She said softly. “It’s daylight.” 

“So it is.” He murmured, kissing her neck again. 

“We shouldn’t be….” She gasped as he cupped her breast. 

He looked up at her again. “Ah, you are remembering the Church says it is a sin to make love in the daylight.” 

“Yes.” She nodded. 

He gently stroked her hair back. “What if I tell you we have a very kind confessor.” 

She laughed very softly. “Richard!” She shook her head softly, as his hand stroked her thigh. 

“Hmmmmm?” He said softly, as he shifted in the bed. 

Anne groaned softly, the sheet was low around his hips. Her eyes were drawn to his chest, and she looked over it. Then she slowly reached out to touch him. Her fingers ran gently along his chest. “You’re quite muscular.” She murmured. 

“Years of training to fight.” He said softly. 

“I like the way it feels.” She said softly. “I like the way you feel against me.” 

He smiled softly. “My hardness against your softness.” He murmured. 

Anne blushed and nodded. She realized her face was flushed. “I seem to blush a lot lately.” 

He laughed softly. “You always have.” 

“Even after almost five years of marriage?” She asked softly. 

He smiled softly. “Oh yes.” He said softly. “It’s one of the thing I like the most about you.” 

“And what else do you like?” She said softly. 

He smiled softly. “Too many things to name.” 

“Tell me.” Anne said softly. 

He moved his hands down to her hips. “I like the way you respond to me. I like that you hold absolutely nothing back.” 

“So what I did last night…” She said softly. 

“Waiting for me naked?” He said softly. 

“Yes.” She blushed. 

“That is completely something you would do.” He said softly. “You’ve always known what you want.” 

“You don’t find me wanton.” She said softly. 

“Deliciously so.” He said softly. “You are my wife. You are allowed to enjoy what we do in bed. No, in fact you should enjoy it.” He could remember having this same conversation with her shortly before they’d married. 

“I did enjoy last night.” She said softly. 

He smiled very softly. “Oh, I know you did. Actually there are quite a number of other things I know you enjoy.” 

“Like what?” She said softly. 

“Let me show you.” He said softly, helping her to straddle him. 

Anne groaned very softly. She could feel his arousal against her. She closed her eyes as her instincts, or maybe it was her memories, took over. She cried out as she felt him inside her. She gasped as he reached for her hand and entwined their fingers. 

“Anne….” He breathed. 

“Richard, I don’t….” She said softly. 

“You know.” He said softly. “Your body knows. Let it guide you.” His hands moved to her hips, guiding her for a moment. 

She closed her eyes, letting her instincts take over. She cried out as his fingers slipped between their bodies, easily finding where she most needed to be touched. 

When it was over, she collapsed into Richard’s arms. He held her close, as their breathing calmed. As she started to move, Richard’s arms tightened around her, indicating he did not wish for her to move at all. 

“I am beginning to believe you are correct.” She murmured. 

“About what?” He asked softly. 

“That it is only my mind that does not remember, my heart seems to remember, my body clearly remembers, but my mind…” She shook her head. 

“Your mind is coming along, that’s what the dreams signify.” He sighed softly, letting his hand rest upon her hip. 

“I want to remember everything.” She said very softly. 

Richard closed his eyes for a moment. He knew the physicians were doubtful her memories would be regained, but then again what did they know? Still he felt he should prepare her. “You may not.” He said softly. 

Anne closed her eyes for a moment, snuggling close. “It does not bother you?” She said very softly. 

“No.” He said immediately. “It does not. At all.” 

Anne raised up, looking at him. “You are certain?” She said softly. 

He reached up, gently touching her face. “Of course I am.” 

“I’m not….me anymore.” She said softly. 

“Oh, but you are.” He said softly. “You’re still very much you, Anne. You’re still the same very loving wife and mother. None of that has changed.” 

“What has changed?” She asked softly. 

Richard thought for a moment. “If anything, I feel even more protective of you than I have before.” 

“You do?” She said softly. 

He smiled softly. “I will do whatever it takes to protect you from harm.” He promised softly. 

 

Anne felt completely lazy, she’d passed the entire morning in bed with Richard. She could not help but wonder if the entire household knew exactly what they had been doing. She imagined they probably did, but were too well trained to say anything about their Duke and Duchess passing the morning in bed. 

She had decided to spend part of the afternoon in the gardens. It was Ned’s naptime, once he was awake, she would go spend time with her son. She could not help but find each moment she spent with him to be precious. She supposed she was storing up memories to replace the ones she had forgotten. 

She looked up as she heard footsteps in the gravel. She expected it was probably Richard, and she could not help but smile as she looked up. She was more than a little shocked as her eyes met her mother’s eyes. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To say Anne was shocked to see her mother would have been an understatement, her mind was racing. Why was her mother at Middleham? Why had Richard never mentioned her mother was at Middleham? 

The last time she remembered seeing her mother, she had been a thirteen year old girl. One who of course obeyed her Lady Mother, now she was a twenty year old Duchess, and she was the chatelaine of the castle. Middleham was her home now, hers and Richard’s. 

“Lady Mother.” She said softly. 

The Countess raised an eyebrow. “Anne.” She had to admit her daughter seemed a little different. She couldn’t figure out exactly what was different. 

“I trust you are well.” Anne said politely. 

“Hmmm.” The Countess said softly. “Have you given more thought to what I last said to you?”

“What you last said to me?” Anne asked. 

She took a deep breath. “About your marriage, how it is not legal.” 

“My marriage is illegal.” Anne’s mind was racing why could her mother possibly believe that. 

“The dispensation.” She replied. 

Anne raised an eyebrow. Richard had a dispensation, surely. Why had she spent so much time in sanctuary if they did not have a dispensation?

“Are you ever going to learn to listen to me, child?” The Countess asked then shook her head, it was no matter. “You married quickly, I am certain there is no dispensation. And of course you remember what law that declares me dead says. Richard can divorce you and still keep your lands. Oh, you may think he loves you, and perhaps he does. You’ve borne his son, yet you’ve had two miscarriages since then.” She continued quickly. “You did not think I knew about those did you? Even though I am locked up, I still have those who tell me what is happening.” 

Anne’s mind was racing again. What was she talking about? A law that declared her mother dead? Richard could divorce her and keep the lands? Surely her mother had lost her mind. Yes, that had to be what had happened. 

“Think about it.” She said softly. “You and I, Anne, we will petition the king, get my lands back, and we will run everything ourselves.” 

“And my husband and son?” Anne asked. 

“Richard is not your husband, you’re no better than a mistress, and as for your son, he is a bastard.” She replied. “We do not need men, we will handle eveything.” 

Anne was furious to call her sweet, little Ned a bastard? That was uncalled for! “Leave.” She said softly. “Take your venom elsewhere, Mother.” Anne turned and left. 

 

She was pacing in her bedchamber, her mother’s words had not left her mind. She did not believe her mother could be right. None of those actions fit with the Richard she knew, not even with the Richard she knew in childhood. 

What Anne could not understand is why he had not told her that her mother was at Middleham. And why was her mother locked away? Why had Richard chosen to lock her away. She knew Richard was the only one who could answer her questions, and she wanted those answers now. 

Richard looked up as Anne came into his work chambers. He could not help but smile. “What brings you here, _ma petite_?” He asked. 

Anne looked at him for just a moment. “Why did you not tell me my mother is at Middleham?” 

Richard blinked. He’d truly hoped either Anne would not find out the Countess was Warwick was at Middleham, or her memory would return. “You saw your mother?” He asked. 

Anne realized he was stalling. “Do you truly think that I would be asking you about my mother had I not saw her with my own eyes? Of course I saw her, Richard!” 

He took a deep breath. “What did she tell you Anne?” He asked. 

“Answer my question, Richard.” She crossed her arms. 

“Because I hoped either you would remember or would not see her.” Richard said honestly. 

“Why would you think…” She shook her head. 

“I wanted to protect you.” He said softly. 

“Protect me?! Why do I need protected from my own mother?! And why have you locked her up?!” Anne cried. 

“I did not lock her up, Anne.” He replied. “You did.” 

Anne stared at him for a long moment. “I locked her up?” She said, astonished. 

“Yes.” He said softly. 

“Why?” Anne asked softly. 

Richard shook his head. “I do not have the answer, you never told me the full reason, only that she was an enemy to us. I trusted your judgement on it. I still do.” 

Anne took a deep breath. “If you trust my judgement, then why did you not tell me she is here?” 

Richard looked at Anne for a moment studying her. “I did not want her to to upset you.” He said softly. “I wanted to protect you from that.” 

“Did you not think I would be upset when I found out?” She asked. 

“I did not think you would find out, Anne.” Richard said softly. 

She shook her head. “Of course you did not.” 

“Anne….” He took a step towards her, stopping as she shook her head. 

“Just because I have lost my memories, it does not mean I cannot handle things, Richard. I am strong, I can handle more than you think I can.” Anne said softly. 

“I know you are strong.” He said softly. 

She shook her head. “You don’t trust me to be strong though. You did not trust me with any of this.” 

Richard closed his eyes, remembering Anne did not like things to be hidden from her. Why he had thought she would not mind his actions, he would never know. “Which was my mistake.” 

Anne sighed softly. “It hurts.” She said softly. “You should have trusted me. You trusted me with everything else, everything else Richard!”

“Yes, I did.” He said softly. 

She took a deep breath. “And I will get over this, I will move past it.” She said softly. “But right now…”

“Do you wish me to join you in your chambers tonight?” He asked softly. 

She shook her head. “No, not until I say so.” 

He took a deep breath and nodded. Richard could not help remember when she’d been younger and angry, Anne would go days without speaking. She’d never done that at all since returning from France. The ease in which she’d talked to him after their first argument had shocked him. The not wanting him with her, that was so like the girl Anne had been all those years ago. He had no idea when she would move past this. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 

 

She was still angry and hurt, but he would be leaving for London in the morning. Anne knew from their short conversation earlier that he was quite concerned for George, more concerned than he wanted to admit. She supposed her knowledge of his concern was one of the other things her heart remembered. 

She’d waited up, and he’d not come to her bed. Given he would be gone for weeks, at the least, she had expected him to come. She was his wife, and she’d been taught a wife should always be submissive to her husband’s needs. He’d not been to her bed since they’d argued about her mother. She did not know if there was someone else who would warm his bed, but she found she did not like that idea at all. 

She paused outside the door to his chambers. She had no idea if she’d ever gone to him in the past. She could not imagine him being upset at seeing her. But she also knew a wife was to let a husband come to her. 

Richard looked up, as the door opened, he was more than a little surprised to see Anne. In all honesty, the silence of her anger had amused him just a bit. It was so much like the girl she’d been all those years ago, before France. 

He’d chosen to let her calm down, even though he’d know that would take some time. He knew it was always best not to push her. 

“You’ll be leaving tomorrow.” Anne said softly. 

“Yes, I will.” He nodded. In truth, he wished it was not necessary, but he was being summoned. He could not refuse. 

She nodded. “Then you will be gone for weeks.” 

“At the least.” He said softly. As he watched Anne remove her robe, he realized what she had in mind. It would take all that he had to resist her. 

“Then you should be with your wife tonight.” She said softly. 

“Anne…” He said softly. “Are you still angry and hurt?” He asked. 

After just a moment, she shrugged. “I am fine.” 

He walked over to her, reached out and tucked her hair back behind her ear. “Are you?” He said softly. 

Anne took a deep breath. “Yes.” 

Richard watched her for a moment, his eyes softly. “I made a promise to myself, and to you, that I would never bed you when you are unwilling.” He said softly. 

“I….” She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. 

“You are still angry and hurt.” He said softly. “I do understand. I should not have hidden your mother’s presence from you, I should not have hidden her attempts to poison our marriage from you.” 

Anne took a deep breath. “I do not deny that.” She could not believe he was apologizing to her, not after the way she’d been to him. 

“You cannot believe I am apologizing to you, ma petite?” Richard said softly. 

She shook her head. “No, I cannot.” 

“I have never found any issues with admitting, to you, when I have been wrong. In this, I was wrong.” He said softly. 

After a moment, she smiled. “On that we agree.” 

“It is fine that you are not over your hurt yet.” He said softly. He kissed her forehead. 

Anne closed her eyes. It was strange, she’d almost forgotten how much she missed his touch. She’d only spent one night in his arms, fully his wife, at least that she could remember. As his lips touched her forehead, she realized how much she did miss his touch. “Do you not think it could be healing to us?” She asked softly. 

“Healing?” He asked softly. 

She blushed. “Do you not think relations could begin to heal the divide between us?” 

“Anne….” He murmured. 

She lifted her head. “I am not unwilling Richard. If I were unwilling to lie with you, I would not have come to your chambers.” 

He took her hands in his, his breath caught as one strap of her nightgown slipped from her shoulder. “You have been taken against your will.” He murmured. “I promised both myself and you, I would never do that.” 

She looked up. “Lancaster?” She asked softly. 

“Yes.” He nodded. 

She was quiet for a moment. “I have no memories of that, Richard.” She murmured. “The only memories of marital relations I have are from us. That one night and morning.”

After a moment, he nodded. Intellectually he knew that, of course. 

“I would not have come to your chambers if I did not want you.” She said softly. She took a step closer, as his arms encircled her waist. 

“Why did you come?” He asked softly. 

“You leave for London in the morning, and I cannot bear the thought of another woman in your bed.” She said very softly. 

For just a moment, Richard froze. Surely she could not think, then he remembered, she honestly did not know. She had no idea he had never strayed from their marriage bed, nor would he stray. 

Anne looked up, immediately noticing the strange look on his face. “Richard…”

 

“That is one thing you will never have to worry about. There has been no one else since we married.” He said softly. 

She took a step closer, her body now touching his. “Then….” She raised up on her toes and kissed him. 

He groaned softly, pulling her tightly into his arms, as they kissed. When they pulled back, Anne started to laugh, she’d been a little surprised at her boldness. 

“There is almost no sound more welcome to my ears than your laughter, _ma petite_.” He murmured. 

“Almost no sound?” She asked softly. 

“The only sound that is more welcome to my ears is the one you make as you find your pleasure.” He murmured. 

She looked up at him, and smiled quite mischievously. “Then perhaps we should work on that.” 

The chamber was filled with the sound of their occasional laughter, as they undressed and made their way to the bed. The sounds soon changed to their moans, groans, and gasps of pleasure. Each sound growing louder, as Richard’s lips and tongue touched her most intimate areas. Soon, he did hear those sounds he loved so very much. The chamber then filled with the sound of their kisses, and the creaking of the bed as they moved in time with each other. 

Anne raised her head off his shoulder and looked at him. “Richard…” She murmured. 

He opened his eyes, smiling softly. “Hmmmm?” 

“What you did, that cannot be….” 

“If you are asking if the Church finds to bring one’s wife to such heights of pleasure to be sinful, the answer is yes.” He murmured. 

She blushed. “I must admit, I liked being brought to such heights of pleasure.” She smiled teasingly. 

He grinned. “Oh trust me, I know you do.” 

She laughed softly, wondering how he would take it if she were to hit him with her pillow. “Ah, well….” 

He pulled her down, lightly kissing her. “I adore you, _ma petite_.” 

She laughed softly. “Oh, I thought you loved me.” 

He grinned, looking up at her. “That too.” 

Anne sighed softly, lying against him. “You will be gone for some time.” She said softly. 

“Yes, I will.” He said softly. “I do not know….how this will turn out.” 

She looked up. “I could come with you.” 

He smiled softly. “There is nothing more I would like than to have you with me.” 

“But….” She said softly. 

“You’re not over what happened with your mother, and that is fine.” He said softly. “So why don’t we say this, when you are completely over it, if I am still in London, you will come to me.” 

After a moment, Anne nodded. “I choose to believe you.” She said very softly. 

He smiled very softly. “But it is still difficult, because she is your mother.” 

“Yes.” She nodded. 

“And the last memories you have of her are those of a loving mother.” He murmured. 

“In so much as she was capable, yes.” Anne nodded. 

“You need time, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I think you would have needed time even if I’d told you.” 

“You do?” She said softly. 

“Yes, because other than me, she’s the only person from the past you’ll really encounter.” 

After a moment, Anne nodded. She closed her eyes, knowing they both needed sleep. As he rubbed her back, she snuggled closer, and soon was asleep. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were nearing London, and Anne was finding holding Ned on her lap to be difficult. Her little boy was fascinated by everything he could see outside the litter. He wanted to see everything all at once, and of course that was just not possible. 

Anne laughed softly, pulling him back from the window. 

Ned turned to look at her. “Did you see that, Mama?” He said excitedly. “All the people.” 

“Yes, I did.” She nodded. 

Ned looked up at her. “London’s big.” 

She smiled softly. “Yes, it is.” 

Ned looked out as the litter started to slow. “I think we are here. Yes, I see Papa on the steps!”

Anne quickly caught him, and held him against her. “You have to stay in the litter until it stops, Ned.” 

Ned looked up as his mama and sighed. “I want to see Papa.” He said softly. “He’s been gone forever.” 

Anne knew it had only been around six weeks since Richard had left Middleham, but she supposed to a four year old boy, that did seem like forever. 

As soon as the litter stopped the door was opened, and Ned flew out to Richard. 

Richard could not help but laugh softly as he picked up Ned. Anne had surprised him, had not mentioned at all that she was going to bring Ned with her. 

“Papa!” Ned said happily. “London is so big!” 

Richard laughed softly. “Yes, it is, son.” He watched as Anne got out of the litter. He couldn’t help but smile at her. His beautiful wife. After a few whispered words with Ned, he sat his son down, and as Ned was taken into the house by his nurses, Richard went over to Anne. 

“Sweetheart.” He smiled softly, lightly kissing her. 

She smiled softly, hugging him for a moment. “The house seems lovely you will have to show me around.” She murmured. 

Of course he knew then her memories had not returned. “Of course, I will do so, ma petite.”

She stood on her toes for a moment. “I love you.” She said very softly to him. 

“And I love you.” He said softly, as they turned to go inside. 

She looked up at him. She could tell he was not sleeping well at all. In truth, she has not been sleeping well since he’d left Middleham. She couldn’t really understand it, she could not remember having sleeping problems before. Of course that did not mean much at all. “You’ve not been sleeping well.” She said after a moment. 

“No.” He murmured. “I’ve not.” 

“Then things are not going well for George.” She did not say it as a question, she instinctively knew. 

“No, things are not going well.” He said softly. He closed the bedchamber door behind them. He immediately wrapped his arms around her. He was so incredibly glad she was in London. “What happened with your mother?” 

Anne reached up, starting to take her hair down. She smiled just a bit. “I told her I was not going to allow her to come between us. I am your wife, she needs to accept that.” 

He kissed her forehead. “I am proud of you.” 

Anne looked up. “Proud of me?”

“Yes.” He nodded. “You stood up to her.” 

Anne was thoughtful for a moment. “And given my last memories are those of a thirteen year old girl, who feared her mother…” 

“Exactly, _ma petite_.” He said softly. 

Anne turned, moving her hair to the side, so that he could unlace her dress. Richard immediately started to unlace her dress. Anne sighed softly as he unlaced her dress. 

“Just sleep.” He said softly. “A nap will be good for both of us.” He said softly. 

“I believe you are correct.” She murmured. “I’ve not been sleeping well. I don’t understand it. I don’t remember ever having sleeping problems.” 

Richard was silent for a moment, he knew her sleeping difficulties had started in France. They always slept better when they were together. “It started in France.” He said softly. “We always sleep better when together, _ma petite_.”

Anne stepped out of the dress and then turned to face him. “I’ve missed you.” She said softly. 

“And I’ve missed you.” He said softly. He pulled the covers back on the bed. As Anne got into the bed, Richard removed his doublet and breeches. 

As Anne snuggled into his arms, Richard could not help but think all was right within his family now. 

 

Ned looked up happily at his father. They were going to the Tower menagerie that afternoon. He’d been looking forward to it since his father had mentioned it to him a few days ago. 

“I’m going to see a lion?” Ned asked happily. 

“Yes, you are.” Richard nodded. 

“I can’t wait to see a lion.” Ned said. “What else will I see?”

Richard thought for a moment. “I believe there’s an elephant, and a white bear currently too.” 

Ned looked up, his eyes wide. “A white bear?” 

“Yes.” He nodded. “It was a gift from the King of Norway.” 

“Why is it white?” Ned asked. 

“That’s just the way God made it.” Richard replied. 

“Why?” Ned asked. 

“I believe there’s a lot of snow in Norway, so the bear wants to blend into the snow.” 

“Oh.” Ned thought for a moment, and then nodded. 

Anne was quiet, just listening to their conversation. It still amazed her that Richard was such a wonderful father. He loved spending time with Ned, and was patient with all of Ned’s questions. Their son had asked many questions since they’d arrived in London. Anne could not help but think Ned was asking questions every moment he was awake. She found it completely adorable. 

Anne found it so enjoyable to watch her husband and son as Richard showed Ned all the animals. As she’d expected Ned found the lions and the bear the most interesting. Personally she’d liked the elephant, such a funny looking creature. 

“Papa.” Ned tugged at Richard’s sleeve as they were leaving. 

Richard looked down at him. “Yes?” HE asked. 

“I want a lion.” He said matter of factly. 

Richard was proud that he did not laugh. “You want a lion?” He asked. 

“Yes, I do.” Ned nodded. 

“Lions aren’t meant to be pets.” He said softly. 

“Why not?” Ned asked. 

“Because they are actually quite ferocious creatures.” Richard said softly. “They cannot be trained to be a pet.” 

Ned was thoughtful for a moment. “So maybe a puppy instead?” 

Anne bit her lip to keep from laughing. The entire way to London, Ned had asked her about a puppy. She’d told him perhaps it would best to ask his father. 

“I do believe we can find a puppy for you.” Richard said to him. He glanced over at Anne, and smiled as he mouthed. “Your son.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anne was relieved Richard had shown her around their London home. Of course she did not remember being there before, and she did not want any slip ups, she wanted to be able to find her way around the house on her own. 

Her days were mostly spent quietly at home, with Ned. She could see why Richard would tease and call Ned “her son.” Their boy was exactly as she had been as a child, lively and inquisitive. He hated taking naps, and Anne could not help but feel sympathy with that. She remembered how much she’d hated naps as a child. 

She found the easiest way for Ned to nap was for her to take him into her own bedchamber. Perhaps she was spoiling him, but at those times, she did not care. She enjoyed those long afternoons with her son snuggled up in her arms. Much of the time, she ended up napping as well. 

It was probably good that she was napping with Ned in the afternoons, for even though she was there, Richard was still quite restless at night. She felt he was quite torn over everything which was happening with George. After all, George was his brother, even if he’d caused so many problems over the years. 

She stirred quietly in the bed, as she felt him touch her face. Of course, she knew it was Richard, and it seemed he’d returned from Westminster early. She smiled softly, turning her head towards his touch. “You’ve returned early.” 

“I suppose I have.” He said softly. 

Hearing something in his voice, Anne opened her eyes. “Richard?” She asked softly. “What’s happened?”

“George will be tried.” He said softly. 

“Tried….” She said softly. “Treason?” She asked very softly. 

“Yes….” He nodded. 

She gently moved Ned over onto Richard’s pillows. “Dear God….” She said softly as she sat up. 

“I know.” He said softly. 

“Maybe it’s only to scare him.” Anne suggested. 

Richard shook his head. “Edward will prosecute.” 

Anne closed her eyes for a moment. “After everything you’ve told me that happened with me, how close have you and George been the last few years?”

Richard was quiet for a moment, taking Anne’s hand he pulled her up from the bed. She watched as he poured a glass of wine, and shook her head as he offered one to her. 

He looked over at her. “Not very close.” He said softly. 

Anne looked up, studying his face for some moments before speaking. “You feel guilty.” She said softly. 

“What?” He asked softly. 

“You feel guilty, you keep thinking that maybe if things had been different between you, then you could have stopped this.” Anne replied. 

Richard stared at her for a moment. “I don’t know if I would call it guilt.” 

“What would you call it?” Anne asked. 

He thought for a moment. “Sadness, that George has….gone so far.” 

She nodded. “Mixed with guilt that you could not stop him.” 

Richard was quiet again. “I can’t change it.” He said softly. 

“No more than you can change the loss of my memories.” She said softly. 

He nodded after a moment. “No, I cannot.” 

“You want to though.” She said softly. “You want to change it, because you feel guilty over what has happened to me.” 

“No, I cannot, _ma petite_.” He said softly. 

“I am fine, Richard.” She said softly. “The physicians have said I am healthy. Maybe my memories will return tomorrow, or maybe they will not. But I am fine.”

Richard gently pulled Anne to her feet and hugged her. “You’ve not changed so much.” He murmured. 

“What do you mean?” She asked. 

“You’re still the same strong, very opinionated woman you’ve always been.” He said softly. 

“Would you have it any other way?”

“Certainly not, _ma petite_.” He said softly. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Epilogue: Yorkshire Summer 1481_

The summer sun was bright, and almost in Anne’s eyes as she stepped outside. She smiled softly, she could hear them from here. Her family. She stood back for a moment, watching as Richard instructed Ned on using his bow and arrow. 

Her little boy was growing up now, he was seven and a half, and he certainly felt grown up. At times, her heart still ached for those lost years, the ones she had forgotten. Nothing had changed Ned’s love for her, or her love for him. The more she watched him, the more she could not help but think he would grow up to be just like Richard. 

Her memories had not returned, at least not fully. She still remembered nothing of her father rebelling, nothing of her time in France, nor her marriage to Lancaster. Sometimes she wondered if perhaps that was best, her memories of her father were not clouded by his treason. From everything Richard had told her, and more importantly had not told her, she realized it was likely best her memories of her marriage to Edward of Lancaster were lost. 

She watched as Ned hit the bullseye on the target. She could not help but clap. 

Ned grinned, turning to her. “You saw, Mama?”

“Yes, I did, sweetheart.” She said as Ned’s dog, Leo, came up to her. She knelt a little petting the large wolfhound Richard had gotten for Ned while they’d been in London all those years ago. 

Richard grinned. “I believe he’s going to be a fine hunter.” 

Anne laughed softly. “Well, of course Ned is.” She watched as Ned went over to his little brother, to play with him. 

Anne still wanted to laugh as she remembered how it had been Richard who’d told her she was with child. It had been such a joy to her, to be with child, and experience everything she’d forgotten with Ned. She did not know if she’d ever felt as much joy as she had the moment their second little boy was placed in her arms. 

She had immediately wanted to name their son Richard, for both his father and grandfathers. Richard had disagreed at first, but in the end she’d prevailed. 

Their young Richard was a lively, active child, and had been that way since the time he was in the womb. It was always amused Anne to watch their two boys together. She only hoped the bonds of brotherhood would not break as they grew older. 

“It always amuses me to watch them.” Richard said softly, watching as their younger son tried to match the steps of his older brother. 

“Oh, me too.” Anne smiled. “Look at how Dickon toddles after Ned.” 

“Quite adorable, our boys.” He said softly, turning to look at Anne. 

She looked up, realizing she certainly had kept nothing secret from him. She smiled softly. “The midwife seems to believe we should expect an addition to our nursery around the beginning of February.” She said softly. 

Richard hugged her tightly. “You could have given me no better news.” His hand went to her stomach. “Perhaps this time we will have a girl.” 

Anne laughed softly “Perhaps.” 

She glanced up at the sky again, still bright and blue. She knew someday the storms clouds would form again. More than anything she knew her heart would always remember her loved ones.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the longest fic I have finished in ages. Apologies for posting it all as one chapter, but honestly that's the way it was written. 
> 
> I do hope you all enjoy it!


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